Hi all! Have you ever known someone who is completely absorbed in themselves? I certainly have. I once had a close relationship with someone like that, but I eventually decided to walk away. Looking back now, I see it all as completely crazy—crazy behaviors, crazy lies, and crazy patterns that just kept repeating.
I was tired of being treated poorly—constantly begging for the slightest bit of attention, trust, and honesty. Over time, this dynamic left me completely burned out and disconnected from reality. Because I occasionally received small moments of love, I would forget everything and continue the relationship, even though the patterns of being lied to and cheated on kept repeating. I was stuck in a cycle of hoping things would change, but it never did. I had to set boundaries, reset my mind, and rediscover what I stood for in life. My body was under constant stress, trying to make this person see how hurtful their actions were. Ending the relationship was the best decision I could have made.
Afterwards, I spent time analyzing the intense relationship I had with this person. I didn’t just uncover his flaws—I also recognized my own. I realized that due to certain traumatic experiences in my life, starting in my childhood, I had developed an anxious attachment style. This made me overly eager to please and desperate for reassurance, even when I wasn’t being treated well. Over time, I began to understand why I was drawn to people with narcissistic traits. I was always giving my all to make him happy, often at the expense of my own well-being. In the process, I completely lost myself.
Things are different now. I’ve learned so much about myself, what I stand for, and how unhealthy that relationship really was.
This person still contacts me occasionally and tries to blame me for how i'm reacting to his behavior. For a long time, I was angry and hurt, but with time and reflection, I’ve come to understand that his actions are rooted in his own trauma. This person grew up with an alcoholic mother and a self-absorbed father, and as a result, he never had anyone he could trust or feel safe with. This led him to rely solely on himself, inflating his ego in the process. Because this person doesn’t know any better, he’s focused solely on chasing money and feeding his ego. While this might give him a temporary sense of satisfaction, at the end of the day, he goes to bed with a gaping hole of loneliness, emptiness, and sadness.
Life isn’t about money or power. It’s about trust, building relationships with people you can rely on, being your authentic self, and having someone there for you during tough times so you can grow together.
With this edit, I want to make one thing clear: it’s not your fault! It’s so easy to fall into the trap of thinking you’re not good enough, but if you know deep down that you gave it your all—if you were honest, open to communication, and genuinely wanted to work through problems—then it’s important to recognize that not everything is on you.
Of course, in my story, both people had a role to play. My role was that I kept the relationship alive far too long by placing my entire sense of self-worth in the hands of someone else. I allowed myself to stay in a situation where I was constantly begging for love, validation, and trust. The key is to recognize your own mistakes, grow from them, and set boundaries. When you do, you’ll see that you’ll start attracting better people who are good for you and align with your values.
As for me, I’ve learned so much about my attachment style and why my childhood wounds made me attract people like this. While I still struggle to fully comprehend the pain I endured—being cheated on and constantly trying my best despite everything—I’m now seeing things much more clearly.
At the end of the day, the lesson I’ve taken from all of this is that you can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change. But you can change yourself, and that’s where true growth begins.
That’s why I decided to share this edit. I hope it resonates with anyone going through something similar. Remember, no matter what, you deserve love, respect, and someone who truly values you.
